(Note: hopefully I'll have pictures up this week from my Thanksgiving break. GOOD TIMES.)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 6:50 PM |

DDC's Tim'm T. West says attitudes are changing, but fear takes a long time to die. "There's this notion that if you allow a gay presence to enter a battle situation and someone who's gay out-rhymes you, you have to deal with being de-masculinized," he shrugs. "It creates a cultural shift."

By the way, check out the name of the spokesperson for the game preserve.
- posted by Brian @ 6:37 PM |

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

The cover of the Nov. 11 edition features a young white man and a black man, both bare-chested, engaging in a kiss. Their mouths don't quite touch. It may have been a spoof of “the kiss” by Madonna and Britney Spears.

“I thought of my grandchildren, and I thought of impressionable teenagers, so I took the cover off,” Callahan said. He ripped it off and took it home in disgust.

Weight: 120. The fuck? That's just scary, dude.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 5:44 PM |

You won't have to eat tomorrow either.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 5:41 PM |

A state regulatory agency said it is concerned about risks posed by the event's increasingly powerful homemade fruit cannons. "I'm turning it over to the legal people to see whether or not we have any control," Division of Boiler Safety director James B. Harlan said Wednesday. "I'm just trying to make sure that somebody standing near is safe."

The nigro is 11.5 % of the U.S. population, yet he commits in excess of 55% of all felonies (although felonies are UNDER-represented in the nigro community, where observing the law is considered "acting White!") Moreover, he (or should I say she?)accounts for 48% of all ADC recipients in the U.S. We have spent over $7 TRILLION on "Urban Welfare Spending" since the mid-1960s, (black economists Thomas Sowell & Walter Williams) and the nigro is still as criminal, surly, lazy , violent and stupid as he/she ever was, while his illegitimacy rate is 80% nationwide, and over 90% in the "large urban areas."

American sufferer Jean Lund, 51, told The Sun that when she told her gynaecologist he said: "You're every man's dream."

Office manager Jean said: "I looked at him in the face and said: "How would you like to walk around on the verge of an orgasm every second?" And he shut up."

A conservative student group plans to hold a controversial "affirmative action" bake sale where cookie prices will be based on a buyer's gender and race to protest today's arrival of a new diversity leader at Texas A&M University.

At the sale, white males must pay $1 for a cookie while the same kind of cookie will be sold to white females for 75 cents, to Hispanics for 50 cents and to African-Americans for 25 cents.

. . .

The Young Conservatives also plan a pledge drive today where they will seek out white students and faculty members -- part of a "non-underrepresented minority," they say -- who support affirmative action.

The white students and faculty members will be asked to pledge their place at A&M to "a member of a racial class who would be more valued by the vice president of diversity."

"I think it's ignorant," [Amethyst] Thorman [, an A&M Hispanic President's Council delegate,] said about the conservative group's position. "They don't have enough sense to go find proper information, get educated on what's going on, not only affirmative action, but also diversity."

Jackson, who reportedly was in Las Vegas when the search warrant was served, denounced media coverage in a statement released to The Associated Press by spokesman Stuart Backerman.

"I've seen lawyers who don't represent me and spokespeople who do not know me speaking for me. These characters always seem to surface with dreadful allegations just as another project, an album, a video is being released," the Jackson statement said, referring to Tuesday's release of a greatest hits album, "Number Ones."

The reasons many popular and journalistic accounts continue to insist that IQ testing is at best meaningless and at worst a sinister plot are twofold. First, this belief flatters half of the population. "My IQ may be below average, but that doesn't matter because IQ is meaningless and I have high emotional intelligence!" is, understandably, a favorite evasion maneuver among dimwits. But that isn't the worst of it. The real dynamite is not in individual differences but rather that the distribution of IQ (and hence of g) varies considerably across groups in ways that are politically explosive. [Bolding is my own.]

With other variables controlled, men and women in a population have the same mean IQ, but the dispersion differs. The female bell curve is slightly narrower, so women have fewer idiots and fewer geniuses among them. Where this gets touchy is that it may do a better job than cultural sexism of explaining why most of the highest achievers in most fields are male rather than female. Equal opportunity does not guarantee equal results, and lot of feminist theory goes out the window.

But male/female differences are insignificant compared to the real hot potato: differences in the mean IQ of racial and ethnic groups. These differences are real and they are large enough to have severe impact in the real world. In previous blog entries I've mentioned the one-standard-deviation advantage of Ashkenazic Jews over gentile whites; that's roughly fifteen points of IQ. Pacific-rim Asians (Chinese, Japanese, Koreans etc.) are also brighter on average by a comparable margin. So, oddly enough, are ethnic Scots — though not their close kin the Irish. Go figure...

And the part that, if you are a decent human being and not a racist bigot, you have been dreading: American blacks average a standard deviation lower in IQ than American whites at about 85. For anyone who believe that racial equality is an important goal, this is absolutely horrible news. . .

Mean IQ differences do not justify making assumptions about any individual. . . At the same time, group differences have a significance too great to ignore. In the U.S., blacks are 12% of the population but commit 50% of violent crimes; can anyone honestly think this is unconnected to the fact that they average 15 points of IQ lower than the general population? That stupid people are more violent is a fact independent of skin color.

And that is actually a valuable hint about how to get beyond racism. A black man with an IQ of 85 and a white man with an IQ of 85 are about equally likely to have the character traits of poor impulse control and violent behavior associated with criminality — and both are far more likely to have them than a white or black man with an IQ of 110. If we could stop being afraid of IQ and face up to it, that would give us an objective standard that would banish racism per se. IQ matters so much more than skin color that if we started paying serious attention to the former, we might be able to stop paying attention to the latter.

From what Raymond says, this information isn't new, but is most definitely explosive. Even if his points are correct (and I believe they are), reporting that black people are dumber than average is something guaranteed to get the messenger killed.

So far, I haven't seen this posted anywhere else in the blogosphere; if it gets picked up widely, Raymond may need to get a new email address. :)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 3:55 PM |

Sullivan seems pretty ecstatic about the news, but I think he's counting chickens a bit too quickly. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court (does that name seem redundant to you, or what?) didn't (and couldn't) ensure that gay folks will have the right to marry, but that as of right now, there is no constitutional reason why they shouldn't be permitted to. A constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman could still be enacted, which would put the kibosh on the whole thing.

Luckily, the soonest that could happen is 2006, and "in the interim, some legal analysts said, gay couples will be granted marriage licenses." This gives gay rights activists time to demonstrate that nothing is wrong with same-sex marriages:

Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to marriage equality for same-sex couples, said it was "a wonderful day for the families who will now be to take on the protections and the responsibilities of civil marriage, and for the country, because will see that families are helped and no one is hurt when gay couples are allowed to marry."

Civil marriage licenses will be issued, and "people will have the chance to see that the sky doesn't fall," he said.

Me: In reviewing more than 700 movies, you found only one that got a hundred percent, green-light score. It was called "Who Gets the House?" You pointed out it had no sex or violence or drugs or tobacco or alcohol, no impudence by children, etc.

Tom: Yes, it was a good family film.

Me: You also pointed out you were the only person in the theater.

Tom: Yes.

Me: Did you read any of the reviews of this movie? Here are excerpts from the Deseret News: "Unfunny, forced humor," "insipid jokes," "contrived situations that would not work in a 30-minute sitcom . . ." Here's another review: "I can't imagine any adult who has ever seen a movie before even sitting through the whole thing comfortably, let alone liking it."

Tom: These people must like the R-rated movies.

Me: That last one was from a Mormon newsletter.

. . . By the time they arrived the man's neck was gnawed and his bloodied body showed no signs of life, the paper said.

New York Yankees - Named Darryl Strawberry player development instructor.

Among the topics in Darryl's planned player development curriculum:

• Proper Cocaine Sniffing Technique
• Driving Drunk: It Helps Your Swing
• Similarities Between Fundamentals Of Base Stealing and Escaping From Your Rehab Assignment
• It's Not Cheating On Your Wife, It's Being Fan Friendly
• Making The Most Of Your Time In Jail

I'd hate to be Don Mattingly. He retires without making it to a World Series, and the Yankees subsequently win 38 consecutive world titles. Now he's back as a hitting instructor, all set to get that ring, and Steinbrenner hires this guy to develop the players. Ol' Donnie must be stabbing himself in the face.
- posted by Brian @ 6:21 PM |

Several months later, my husband hooted as he told me that he had seen a young man sporting a duster on the sidewalks of St. Louis looking, well, RIDICULOUS.

Dusters follow the Sam Elliot Mustache Rule: You can only carry it off if you are, in fact, Sam Elliot. Check your driver's license if you're unsure.

This is where you sit down, sign a bunch of papers, have a bunch of things explained to you that you don't care about, hand over a lot of money, and get the keys to your new crib. This will take an hour or two, during which your thought processes will alternate from "I'm buying a new house! Wheeeee!" to "Holy crap, I'm absolutely mind-numbingly broke!" I recommend grinding up some prozac to snort every few minutes to try and keep yourself balanced.

[Actually, what I think says it all is the fact that Matt is going to a salon which is patronized by all of Matt's parents' gay friends. That, of course, makes Matt gayer than Richard Simmons in a turkey outfit. I wonder how much time he'll spend in the "hair washing chair."]

- posted by Bacon Dad @ 3:57 PM |

To protect his birds he laid a trap for the neighbor's tabby, and found the cat dead.

"I then chose to hang the cat from the flagpole so it would be easier for the owner to find him," he explained to police, and he was released after questioning.

[I don't recall anyone wishing they were Matt Hearn when Matt Hearn was in the middle of getting shitbeat three straight weeks.]

• Fitzy has clinched the playoffs! Go him. I hope he sent Ahman Green a nice fruit basket. Fitzy's week was, to all intents and purposes, sunk; losing 85.08 to 116.32, he needed a monster game from Green, who delivered, and STILL managed to lose to the Eagles. Fitzy's luck appears to be unstoppable; that and his monster biceps are why he gets all the ladies.
• The "Hearn vs. Mary: The Hurtin' Is For Certain" grudgematch turned out to be a bit of snore. Mary's easy schedule propped her team up nicely, but when faced with a quality team (motivated after last week's gut-punch loss to Bo), she crumbled like Matzoh in a nutcracker. Nevertheless, she'll certainly make the playoffs if she can eke out one more win, and with a schedule featuring Doug, Craig, her retarded husband, and Fitzy, she should be able to handle her bidness. At this point, it's all about avoiding playing me or Fitzy in the playoffs.
• Doug, Doug, Doug. After moving up 3 spots in the standings this week, he dropped back down to 9th, last place among the 5-5 teams. And his schedule doesn't get any easier from here...I see Doug dropping to 6-8 by season's end, and unfortunately, even a 7-7 finish won't help him unless it comes along with some points (he's last in the league in total points scored). A loss this weekend against Loewen means that Unga could finally move out of the bottom 2 of the standings! And then his life will have meaning. Aside from his cool BMW, I mean.
• My remaining schedule: Aaron, Kyle, Kas, and Craig. I predict finishing at 10-4 and then running through the playoffs like Kristy's mom's teeth through a penis.

• There are currently 6 teams at 5-5. This is interesting and not at all surprising, all at the same time! What it means is, the bottom seedings in the playoffs are probably gonna go to whichever teams throw up the most overall points, regardless of standings. This could make the upset situation in the playoffs VERY interesting, particularly with teams like Loewen's currently sitting in 10th place with a 4-6 record. A few lucky breaks and he gets into the playoffs in an 8th or 7th seeding, and there's no way I'd be happy facing him in the playoffs, what with his ability to throw up points like they gave him food poisoning.
• The last four weeks of the season are HELLA important. The only team actually eliminated from playoff contention is Bo-dawg, and three more will have to be dumped this week. We could have a lot of teams sitting at 5-6 after week 11, praying for a miracle that some won't get (because God approves of their homosexual lifestyles. Just kidding, Kyle).
• I'm so sexy I can make the loins of anyone within 40 feet of me ache with desire. Hey, it's a curse.

Gina: Please tell me you are not seriously arguing that women haven't contributed hugely to English-language literature.

Gene: On the contrary. I acknowledge that they have. The Bronte sisters alone have filled bookshelves with enormous mounds of feathery, pompadoured literature no male has ever read. Once, I am told, a well-intentioned man actually forced himself to plow through several consecutive pages of Jane Eyre and, tragically, began to menstruate.

• If you fall asleep at 3am in a strip club, a bouncer will make you to wake up and threaten to throw you out. Do not reply that perhaps if the strippers were remotely attractive, people wouldn't get bored and pass out; the bouncer will not be receptive to that advice.
• I'm a fan of large breasts, but I know that not all dudes are. (Some dudes, like Rick, for example, are into large male pectoral muscles.) So I can see why some strippers would be rather flatchested. However, strippers that are flat chested and yet still have a pot belly are not big draws to clubs. (My brother in law pointed out that the girl I'm thinking of might've been pregnant, which made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.)
• Drinking approximately 15 shots of Scotch in 4 hours will probably make you feel a bit strange for a while. Don't worry about it; it will pass. Avoid driving, using heavy machinery, and talking to your wife.
• Leather pants increase your sex appeal. (To other men, obviously, but take what you can get.)
• Anyone who thinks they can drive just fine after having some drinks should go to Dave and Busters, drink 5 or 6 beers, and then play Ferrari G355. I was horribly tanked, and decided I should try the most difficult mode. I think I completed 2 laps in 47 minutes.
• No matter what the bachelor tells you, when at a strip club, do not throw your underwear at the girls. They are not David Lee Roth, and will not approve, particularly if you are not a very effective ass-wiper. The aforementioned bouncers will not be amused either, and will likely grind your face into something unpleasant, like brick, or Kyle's crotch.
• Going to church the next morning will be difficult. IMPORTANT NOTE: communion wine makes a very, very poor "hair of the dog."

I would argue that The Civil War did more harm for American Blacks than good. If the issue of slavery been left to the market--as it should have been--the issue would have been settled peacefully. Blacks would have suffered less discriminatiion, and would have enjoyed far more freedom, far earlier, had the war not taken place. After Reconstruction, blacks were free but not in a real sense.

. . . The Civil War was the moment the U.S. Constitution got hijacked, and the original idea of what the founders envisioned got subverted. Instead of a nation of free states which set their own destinies freely, America became a federalized republic with a large and powerful centralized government. In a certain sense, The Civil War made Americans less free. I would even argue that The Civil War, in fact, made us all slaves.

A pistol-packing, 80-year-old Bronx man was arrested on gun charges after he tried to turn the tables on a mugger who beat him and stole his Social Security money, authorities said yesterday.

(Elkton-AP) -- State police say they found two bodies bound and gagged in the trunk of a car stopped for traffic violations on Interstate 95 near Elkton. Police spokesman Major Greg Shipley says a trooper stopped the northbound Dodge Intrepid with New York license tags for speeding and making an unsafe lane change about 11 a-m. Shipley says the man who was driving and a woman passenger consented to a search and the trooper found two bodies, bound and gagged, in the trunk.

In case you're not familiar with the area, if something like this was going to happen around here, Elkton is where it would happen.
- posted by Brian @ 5:41 PM |

I have highlighted some of the better details for ease of reading. However, make sure you read it all to indulge in the random capitalization and usage of punctuation. And no, I didn't change any of this. The dipshit really did spell the same word wrong, in the same manner, several times. You can't make shit like this up.

How dare you write something in Your so called Colume without checking into it before, printing any facts. When I mentioned this to you over a month and a half ago we were only putting things together. The reason we have so many of Players on the list is we're catching up for the first 25 years. About 1969 to 1984 - 85 The problem with what did is you wasn't informed on any other information on this prodject,before you went ahead and wrote your ariticale. When I first talked to you a month and a half ago. We were only starting to get going on this prodject at that time, I first contacted the Flint Generals about doing this prodject and I first Started with talking to Mr. Bob Lawson, who not no longer with the Hockey Club. At that time we were told that we had to go thru Robbie Nichols. Yes we had a couple of meetings with Bob Lawson and Robert Roe, and they Both told us we had to go thru Robbie Nichols. Robbie told us to hold off until he got the hockey team set and got all the other things that pretain to the hockey team, and opening night ready.Since Robbie Nichols is the Vice President of the Club he takes care of all hockey business about the Generals for the Doctor. Our meeting was scheduled for the 11th of November this is what Robbie wanted. We were also told to have all the things pretaining to this prodject ready so it would be layed out for Robbie and Dr. Shukairy to see how we want to do the fact of this prodject. Now for what you Said about 55 names on this you can only find 22 or so names that even deservre this honor. You wasn't even around in the early 70's yes we have Mr. Frank Gallagher on the list. For another thing we have to catch up and start with 1969 to 1984 - 85 the first 25 years, since no one has done nothing like this prodject. Now the reason this is being done is add some nistelga to the building. This won't be like a Hall of Fame it's going to called The Flint Professioal Hockey Players Wall of Fame. Yes I know you have to have a certain criteria for Hall of Fame but we're not trying to cheepen this but this why it's being called the Wall of Fame. There are so many players that has played here in the last 34 years that it's unbeleiveable that nothing was ever tried to bring back some nistelega to the building. The very First two names that is on this is Frank Gallagher, Len Hoyes that wrote about the hockey team since the first day they hit town and until 19 84-85 if I'm right about this. Then there is Coaches, trainer Dave Smith was first one here and the players as follows.I have a question to ask you if you think you know so much who was the first player signed by Frank Gallagher and the next two were?? I know who they were do you, because I have followed the team since 1970 I've been a season ticket holder for over thirty years. All the information that we was thru different wewb sights and team books that I have collected over the years. So all of are information is documented by FACTS not by our Hearts like what you printed in your colume on Tuesday.It''s not fare what you said about Mike Rickter yes he only played in 13 or so games here. He went on and had great N.H.L. career. But what we're trying to do is bring the people back to the games and this will add some- thing very notiable that a great Hockey Player like a Mike Rickter once played here and skated on that Ice Arena.We can't call this Generals Wall of Fame because there was three Mascots named here in Flint. They were Generals, Spirit's Bulldogs, and all had different owners too. Dr shukairy is the 4 th owner of this organization Generals also bercause he wanted to bring back the original name of the team. I have been in contact with alot of the original Generals since We've started this prodject and they couldn't even beleive that there was nothing about old team or even the present hockey team. I;ll mention a few of the Players Gilles Meloche, Wayne Zuk,Mike Rusin,RonRingler, Mike StCyr,Jimmie Johnston, PierreGiroux,Mike Rickter, KIrkBowman,BrianMcBratney, Dave Bonter,Mike Clarke,Frank Gallagher and there is a few more that I 've had long conversations on the phone. So I think you better do your home work a little better before you want to say anything else about this prodject. I wouild like you to contact me by phone also I think you we should talk in further detail before you do something else please call me at [deleted] or my cell [deleted]. You might think you did right by writing this you want to tear it down before it's even approved or started..............

I had to dodge this guy every time I went into a game last season. For those of you who might be wondering, this guy sent this email to a newspaper writer who recently wrote a column criticizing the team's plans for a hall of fame, most of which are being driven by the guy who sent the email.
- posted by Brian @ 3:10 PM |

Other visiting entertainers have died here.

Maybe Justin Timberlake will decide to play Wings Stadium. One can only hope.
- posted by Brian @ 3:05 PM |

Judge Russ Heldman dismissed the city's ruling that Harlie ''Bill'' Walker, 75, violated a Franklin [Tennessee] ordinance Aug. 14, when he flashed his lights at oncoming traffic to let drivers know there was a police car ahead.

Police Chief Jackie Moore said Franklin officers should discontinue the practice of issuing citations to people who flash their headlights to warn other motorists about a speed trap.

(Elkton-AP) -- Maryland state police are investigating the discovery of what appear to be human remains in a car that was stopped for a traffic violation on Interstate-95 near Elkton. Police spokesman Major Greg Shipley says a trooper had stopped the northbound car for speeding and making an unsafe lane change about 11 a-m near Exit 109.

I feel compelled at this point to offer some driving tips from The Marquis De Milo School Of Driving Sensibly.

Lesson 1: When Not To Speed

It is advisable not to speed, make an unsafe lane change, or violate any other traffic law when your car is occupied by any of the following:

1) Human Remains

2) 300 pounds of marijuana

3) 213 pounds of marijuana

4) For the love of God, any amount of any controlled substance

5)You, drunk, with a controlled substance

6) When your driver's license is suspended

Lesson 2: Driving Manners

1) It is considered rude to have a friend transport you over state lines without informing him/her that you recently picked up some cannabis.

[I think I've apologized profusely for that in the past. Go shit in Satcher's toilet.]

More driving tips to come in the near future.
- posted by Brian @ 2:25 PM |

On Friday evening, after Woodside's 30-12 home loss to Terra Nova High School of Pacifica, Woodside head coach Packy Moss walked into the locker room, accompanied by a parent of one of his players. Suddenly, a handful of Woodside players shouted 'f -- Packy' several times. Moss, who was unable to see who was shouting, retreated from the locker room and into his nearby office.

The principal of Woodside High School, furious after some players on the school's football team chanted obscenities at their coach as he entered the locker room after yet another loss, has canceled the remainder of the school's already dismal football season.

NASA gets criticized for losing space probes, for things crashing, blowing up, falling out of orbit, disintegrating on re-entry, etc. All justified, I'm sure. But these are the same people who strapped a rocket on the back of an Apple II-E 26 years ago and shot it into space, and are still communicating with it now even though it's 8.4 billion miles away. I think they at least deserve a gold star for that.

Meanwhile, I can only get Jim Rome on one radio in my house and I can't get Bob and Tom anywhere.

Now I want to see them find Veeger 6 and have it assimilate a human to achieve consciousness. I suggest it assimilate Jesse Jackson so he'll shut the hell up.

Speaking of outer space, I'm back from it, hopefully. When people stop taking vacations, I stop getting scheduled in DC, so I stop having badass internet access. However, SW's parents' basement is done and SW and me and Zed have moved out of the closet and down there, so I'll hopefully have convenient internet access at home again soon.
- posted by Brian @ 7:42 PM |

VANCOUVER - Herring make farting sounds at night, Canadian and British scientists say.

Thanks to everybody who owns a computer, via Dave Barry.

Question: What does "blowing raspberries" mean? Forgive me, as I am merely an amateur. -- Rick
- posted by Brian @ 7:11 PM |

The striptease lessons come amid a heated debate about G-strings in France, as teachers try to deal with a fashion craze among teenagers to expose their midriffs and wear thongs designed to peek out above low-cut trousers.

• Yes, I know nobody cares about this but me. Just bear with me. I'm also working on a column for the matthearn.com page that hopefully will appear later today.
• You'll note I forgot to ask for coaches' polls this week, so they're not included in the rankings. Not scientific, you say? An embarrassment to sports, you say? That may be true, but don't forget this important point: fuck you.
• Doug and Kas used quality wins to skyrocket up the standings, each moving up 3 spots to 5th and 6th, respectively, in the official standings. Kas stays ranked fairly low in the BCS because the computers give him no love and his schedule is so easy even Kyle's dad got a handjob from it. Unfortunately for him (Kas, not Dave Anderson), he meets Fitzy this week; I don't predict the league leader to get shut down two weeks in a row, so Kas drops to 5-5. Doug is looking better and better, particularly if he keeps to form and lays the smackdown on Ungaskljwksky.
• Speaking of Ungadin, he goes for three wins in a row this week against Doug Q Non-stale! I'm titling this game the Roommate Grudge Match; I predict fisticuffs between the two of them during halftime of the Sunday night game. (I have $5 to put on Buster Douglas, if there are any takers. For the fight, that is, not the game.)
• And while we're on the subject of Ardmore dwellers, A-ron has lost two in a row to drop to 4-5. There is good and bad news awaiting him, as he plays Kyle this week. Kyle scores a lot of points, but his team is about as consistent as my grandfather's bowel movements. This is my upset special of the week; Aaron has a good chance of pulling some points out of his ass and spraying them all over Kyle limp, broken body. On the other hand, The-Ron has pretty much offered his entire team to me in exchange for Priest Holmes, so how good can his squad be?
• Mary, despite being a distant third in overall points scored, has played a relatively easy schedule to a top ranking. She shares a schedule rank with me, and has somehow managed to put up two more wins, despite scoring 55 fewer points. I'd just like to say: WHAT THE FUCK. Anyway, four straight wins have shot her to a tie atop the official standings, and sole possession of first place in the BCS (albeit by one-hundredth of a point.) With a little luck, getting Priest Holmes back in my line-up will get me some strong points and I can pull off a win against her this weekend.
• Kyle is sixth in overall scoring, but somehow manages to stay hovering near the top half of the playoff seeds. With a little luck, he can use a win over Kas this week and a loss by me to Mary to vault up to third on the Yahoo standings. Stranger things have happened, like the time I caught Kyle's mom in bed with Freddie Jackson.
• Milo's recent loss dropped him to 8th in the Yahoo standings, but he stays locked at a solid 7th in the BCS because Kas went nowhere. He scores well, but like my team, inconsistency and a bunch of close losses have held him to 4-5. This weekend he plays Loewen; I won't say the game is must-win, but if Milo loses the Battle of the Brians, his chances of repeating as league champion are about the same as Macy Grey showing up at my door wearing nothing but Vaseline.
• Speaking of Loewen, his 4-5 record is a major disappointment. Perhaps he shouldn't've wasted his first overall pick on a guy that is gonna miss 3/4 of the season. The lesson as always: DO NOT DRAFT QUARTERBACKS IN THE FIRST ROUND. It makes the football gods angry, and when the football gods get angry, that's when motherfuckers accidentally tear anterior cruciate ligaments. It is possible to make the playoffs with a losing record (something I'd like to rectify for next year), but he'll likely end up playing Mary or Fitzy in the first round and find himself "bloewen" out.
• Bo picked up his first win against me this week, so HW has hidden all the knives in the house. I tried to drink myself to death yesterday morning, but after 8 beers, 5 gin-and-tonics, a fifth of Dewar's, and an entire bottle of Dayquil, I ran out of alcohol and just drove to work. Bo gets the sublime joy of getting to be the spoiler and trap game for the rest of the season, trying to catch people on tough bye weeks and maybe salvage a 6-8 record. Although, with a little luck, a 6-8 record might actually make the playoffs. Who knows? I love this sport.
• No one's said much about Craig's team. That's probably just because there's not much to say. Moving on . . .
• Fitzy's and Mary's Magic Numbers: To clinch the playoffs: 3. To clinch first place: 6, despite only having 5 games to play, which I guess makes that number rather meaningless. NOTE: the last week of the regular season features the ultimate Fitzy vs. Mary showdown! It's entirely possible the season of each team could rest on that one game, unless of course they both shit the bed and lose 4 games between now and then. That would be nice.