PR people like this guy should be stuffed in a bag and thrown off a bridge.

Some of you may understand. If not, holla and I'll explain.
- posted by Brian @ 5:08 AM |

White text on a black background, by contrast, had a mere 12% comprehension level. And red text on a white background carries only a 19% comprehension level . . .

I've never liked red-letter Bibles - mainly because I dislike the implication that the rest of the Bible is not as much Christ's Word to us as the direct quotations from His earthly ministry . . .

Ate-something.

That is all.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:51 AM |

Coincidentally, since terror became a fact of life in Israel thirty years ago, Israeli teachers have carried handguns in class - and are required to carry them on field trips. The intifada has struck no schools.

A teacher with a .38 and a well-placed shot or two could have ended the Columbine massacre before, or as soon as, it started.

This generation of Americans is going to grow up seeing their friends picked up at elementary school by gay parents; dropped off at swim class and soccer practice by gay parents; grounded by gay parents after staying out too late; hugged by gay parents at high school graduation. This won’t be some abstraction batted back and forth by overheated opinion journalists; it’s going to be reality. Gay parents will just be….parents. And all the fretting about the threat to “traditional” marriage and family life posed by homosexuals is going to seem as silly, malicious and old-fashioned as worrying about miscegenation.

. . . 45 percent of those so-called Evangelicals in the survey disagreed with the statement that "only born-again Christians go to heaven." Moore says what this means is that there is a large segment of people who call themselves Evangelicals who do not believe in the necessity of faith in Christ for salvation.

Why is it somehow BETTER for someone to have lived immorally for most of their lives and then find religion? I mean, I understand that as long as you eventually find religion, it doesn't matter either way, but Fundamentalists seem to believe that being a bad person and then "getting saved" makes you more of a real Christian than just believing your whole life. I can't figure it out.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:17 AM |

What pushed my buttons is this:

"We believe that when the Supreme Court reviews all the facts, the justices will rule that federal environmental laws require the government to determine the health impact of these trucks before — not after — they begin rolling through the American heartland," Joan Claybrook, Public Citizen's president, said in a statement. Public Citizen, the consumer rights group founded by Ralph Nader, took the lead in the court case.

They want an Enviromental Impact Study? I hope they want it on the Mexicans, not the trucks. I'm sick and damn tired of greenheads wanting environmental studies on everything up to and including the effects of worm flatulence on the atmosphere when Joe Fisherman wants to open a bait shop on Main Street. Trust me, this planet will far outlive you, and your kids, and your grandkids, and your great grandkids. If you want a pure Mother Earth, I'm sure nobody would mind if you all went and bought yourselves a few acres in Montana, far away from pollution and Mexican trucks and lights and plumbing, and left the rest of us the hell alone.
- posted by Brian @ 6:02 AM |

Here's a clip of what this call sounds like (not including the reporter). It ain't no damn church bells. If I was awakened by this at 6 AM, there'd be some damn holy wars going on pretty quick.

I'd also like to add that if Hamtramck has the largest population of Muslims in the United States, then Flint must be #2. Finding an American doctor in Flint is like trying to find an abortion doctor at a South Baptist convention.
- posted by Brian @ 5:47 AM |

Around 5:00, the turtle starts pokin', so I go to take care of my bidness. Unfortunately, there's someone else in the bathroom taking a whiz. I hate this, because I like to shit in isolation. But the dude's heading to the sink as I walk in, so I figure I'll be good in a second.

But damned if this fuck doesn't start talking to me. While I'm IN the stall, ON the throne, defecating. He starts running his yap about his daughter's college visits. He just keeps talking. And talking. And talking. Throughout my entire shit. "Well, she went to Brandeis, but she didn't even take the tour because she didn't like theAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU MISERABLE FUCK I DON'T CARE

I wanted to break his goddam neck. And then I step out of the stall to find him HOLDING THE FUCKING BATHROOM DOOR OPEN!!!! Holy bouncing shit. God only knows how long he'd been doing that.

An excellent start to my day. Hopefully yours is better.
- posted by Brian @ 5:24 AM |

But Mr. Lileks – is that Leeleks, or Lyelecks? I could never tell – anyway, doesn’t the new G5 have a headphone jack on the front? It does. But to switch between headphones and external speakers meant a trip to the System Preferences. No more.

(And it’s “lie-lecks.”)

And here's the kicker:

"I've already discussed it with Arn and the club," Thomas said. "They both know how I feel. I've earned my way here, they're not giving me nothing. After the year I had last year, it's a little disappointing come the 1st and 15th this year (pay day), but I'm going to keep on ticking. It's not a challenge to me, because I'm used to proving myself."

Gee Frank, that's too bad. I can certainly understand that. I mean, not having any experience with the tax bracket for a $6,000,000 salary, I'm not sure how much the gubment rips from you. But just guessing it's say, oh, 35 percent... that would mean that you're only getting $150,000 every time the first and 15th of the month roll around. Granted, in my case, that would pay for my new house in approximately 18 days, but I can certainly understand where you're coming from.

Just kidding. I hope you get run over by a bus driven by a guy making $8.50 an hour.
- posted by Brian @ 3:45 PM |

I just thought you might like to hear that when you criticize a friend of mine during EA's NCAA Football 2004, he has a habit of yelling at the TV, "How's your pro career working out Kirk?!?!?!"

UPDATE -- MEDICAL EMERGENCY

AAAAAAAAAAAGGHH MY EYES

I HAD STOPPED AT THE FIRST PICTURE

I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE OTHERS

JUMPING JACK CHRIST, HE'S ACTUALLY CLENCHING HIS BUTTOCKS

HEARN I HATE YOU GO TO HELL AND DIE

- posted by Brian @ 5:07 AM |

COPYRIGHT 2004 MILO BLOOM. ANY USE OF THIS PICTURE IN PRINT OR ELECTRONIC FORM IS SUBJECT TO PROSECUTION. ESPECIALLY ON STUPID NO-LIFE FORT WAYNE KOMET WEBSITES.
- posted by Brian @ 8:10 PM |

The glorification of bad is a nice twist. But I figured the joke would die off soon enough. It hasn't. And now I'm wondering why America is extending the joke.

Is there more than just the glorification of bad, something driven by racism?

also... twitching.... STROKE
- posted by Brian @ 2:24 PM |

[Jason (Former NBA star on trial for slaughter) and Tanya Williams'] baby girl, named Whizdom J. Williams, weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces, and was delivered at Englewood Hospital and Medical Center, said Judy Smith, a spokeswoman for the Williams.

Her: What's the significance of this Barry Bonds thing? Did he break another record?
Me: Well, first he tied Willie Mays for third, then last night he passed him.
Her: Oh, OK. Is Barry Bonds the tall redhead with freckles?
Me: No, that's Mark McGwire.
Her: What does Barry Bonds look like?
Me:
Her: Is he black?
Me: Yep.
Her: OK, I know who he is.

- posted by Brian @ 6:09 AM |

TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH
- posted by Brian @ 5:17 AM |

UPDATE: I shortened what I put in for the last theme, and it figured it out, although it also mentioned 12 other things it thought I could have meant. Still pretty damn cool.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:29 PM |

I was home from boarding school in my old bedroom at my parents’ house in Windsor, N.Y., where my friend “Johnny” and I had just finished fooling around. Suddenly he asked me, “Do you think we are bisexual or gay?” The question so stunned me, I didn’t know how to respond. I mean, we had been having sex for ages, but I’d always believed I couldn’t be gay . . .

Well this isn't something you see everyday. Shandi Finnessey, crowned Miss USA last night, told Reuters she would use her position to help explain America's involvement in Iraq. "What needed to be done had to be done," she said. The Associated Press chose not to report Shandi's plans with her position and nearly every other media outlet is ignoring it.

Given that Missouri is a swing state, might we be seeing her on the campaign trail?

In the wake of Condoleezza Rice's testimony before a national television audience, 50% of American voters have a favorable view of the nation's National Security Advisor. Just 24% have an unfavorable view, while 26% are not sure or do not know who she is.

(Also, is it just me, or does she have an ENORMOUS head? She's like Barry Bonds.)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:29 AM |

My comment on this article when it was posted on Dave Barry's site:

I served a one-year sentence....err, I lived in Flint for a year, and it's one of the worst places I've ever seen. I don't understand why this story is even newsworthy, because I wouldn't be any more surprised to find a loaded handgun in a Flint park than I would be to find a rock on the ground in a park in a normal city. I'm sure there was a stash of heroin not far away from the guns.

UPDATE: A man can dream...
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 4:33 PM |

(Note: if you want to see the rest of Jill's website, go to llij.net; the gal is brilliant and cool, but uses frames on her website (so HTML 1.0), which makes things a challenge to navigate at times.)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 9:22 AM |

This blog has adopted a pet that is, much like its Editor in Chief, a useless blob.
- posted by Brian @ 9:02 AM |

Thanks to Heather
- posted by Brian @ 5:39 AM |

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Terry agreed in December to pay $50 a month toward the $1,200 bill. When she failed to make the two initial payments, her water was shut off.
[. . .]
“I agreed (in December) to $50, which I cannot do,” Terry said. “I thought I could (pay $50 per month toward the debt), and I had my back surgery, and I lieves headache and eases insomnia. It can be applied full strength to burns, rashes or psoriasis.
Lavender is a “must-have” in the home, Vores said.

I had my back surgery, and I lieves headache and eases insomnia. It can be applied full strength to burns, rashes or psoriasis.

I'm dancin' away my hunger pains
Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt
I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 2:18 PM |

[Gene]: It says it's tongue oil.

[Customer Service Representative] Adam: You don't drink it, you put it on wood. It's from a tung tree. T-u-n-g.

[Gene]: You have to be a spelling expert to use this product?

Adam: If I were you I'd stay away from large stores, where there are a lot of products and a lot of choices. That can be confusing.

From: [name deleted]
To: newsroom
Subject: news_tip
Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 06:16:27 -0600*

POLITICAL, WORLD. FOR THE NEWS ROOM.
Madeleine Fjellstrom. Sweden.
This is written during a long period as the oppression has been going on. We are persecuted from above by the jewish parish in connection with the royalties where the English royalties are the most swinish and is more high in rank among them. They persecuted Prime Minister Olof Palme and have persecuted a lot more and it is an unsolved murder in Great Britain in connection with the English royalties. The whore parker Bowles is a frigid swine and shall nothing have from above when she persecutes innocent children. Amen. She's a whore that's why she persecutes what so ever and even children. They suffers from mentally disturbances persecute what ever with out any respect. It's schizoid. Prince charles suffers from seriously mental disturbances persecute people unsparing and even children. They are disturbed expose us for mental maltreatment when it's a child involved. They are swine. Nothing is true from what they say when I'm perfectly normal. They spreads a lot of rubbish has no truth it is. They are swine from the jewish parish coming after and ! hurt a child. [Roughly 5000 more lines edited so the blog doesn't look like a fascist manifesto. - Ed]

When graduating from a high school called "Hellu," wearing a class shirt that reads "Hellus Angels" might seem like harmless school spirit — unless it's worn in a bar where Hells Angels members have strong feelings about trademark infringement.

The school promptly agreed with the Hells Angels and is collecting the shirts from its students, admitting the biker group had a strong case.

"This is clearly a stolen logo. It's just a matter of thoughtlessness on the part of the kids," deputy headmaster Eeva-Riitta Mustelin was quoted as saying, adding that the bikers did not want to go to court over the matter.

(Thanks to Fark, which appears to be recovered from yesterday's festivities.)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 1:16 PM |

A piece titled "The American Flag" made of 130 dollar bills, meticulously hand-sewn together and colored to resemble the flag was stolen.

"My whole show is about greed and how it can take over anyone, and just having this piece stolen further proves the point," Curtis William Readel said.

UPDATE: It comes and goes. Screenshots here, courtesy of Metafilter.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 10:40 AM |