It seems to me that the name "Scatman" is a great one. you know: after semi-singer and comedian Scatman Crothers.
I keep envision having a son named Scatman. I can imagine everyone he meets saying, 'What a cool name.' Which is good because that way they'll have something to like about him even if his personality is really off-putting. Or if he's shallow or a bully when he's like 13, when he should be getting into punk rock or something. At least they'll think he has a hip name.

But don't use it, cause I thought of it.

Damn! But your arguments are so compelling! If he grows up to be an asshole, people will still like him. And if he's a meek nerd, no one will POSSIBLY find something mean to call him as is name is already a toilet insult.

And then Jack Nicholson will hit him in the chest with an axe.
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I really like Freddie Prinze jr. and heard his father was famous and died tragically. What was his name?

His name was Scatman.

The guy really does look like me, if I could grow facial hair. It's kinda scary. Particularly since I think I'm still drunk (at 11am on Monday) from last night's trip to Hooters.
- posted by Brian @ 5:49 AM |

Timothy Miller, of Ohio, was cleaning out the inside of the silo around 3:15 p.m. when he became entangled in an auger, which was running, police said. An employee -- whose name was not released -- reportedly went into the silo to help Miller.

8:29 -- The Cavs take Luke Jackson, who didn't bother coming to the draft. Andy Katz reports that Jackson "just felt more comfortable watching it at home." Oh. He promises to show up for the season though. Meanwhile, we're anxiously awaiting ESPN's thumbnail sketch for each pick, especially the "Favorite class" and "Must Improve" categories. It's not every day that you can find out things like "Shaun Livingston likes trigonometry." Too bad Jackson didn't get a "Must Improve: Giving a crap."

8:38 -- I can't even describe what just happened when Stu Scott interviewed the Latvian Guy, as the poor kid kept muttering "I play inside ... inside ... I play inside ... inside" over and over again. They should have brought the fainter from the Spelling Bee to collapse on him. And just when it couldn't get any better, we had the following exchange at the end:

Stu (throwing it back to Tirico): "They compare his personality on the court to Kenyon Martin. Don't front."
Dad (glancing around the room): "What does that mean? What did he just say?"

8:40 -- For the past two minutes, we just had my dad trying to guess what "Don't front" meant. If only there were cameras on hand. At one point, he asked, "How was it used again?", like it was the Spelling Bee or something. We kept waiting for him to ask for the country of origin.

One man is wearing a T-shirt clearly emblazoned with the words "100% Brummie".

Her husband Hal Champion, 47, then arrived from church, was shot with a deputy's Taser and taken into custody on similar charges.

Their skit involved opening the cow's legs in a clinically gynecological manner and having a team member slide down a ramp and shoot out the birth canal into the bay. ''Tasteful'' does not begin to describe it.

Six children and two adults were injured today when the small sport utility vehicle they were in flipped over and crashed on I-43, south of Capitol Drive.

A father and two sons missing from Chicago for more than a month were identified Sunday as the bodies that washed ashore on Lake Michigan bound together by nylon rope and tied to bags filled with sand. "We consider these deaths to be very suspicious and this case is being handled by law enforcement as a homicide," said Pleasant Prairie Police Chief Brian J. Wagner.

A St. Paul woman who became frightened Wednesday morning when her boyfriend squeezed her too tightly while they kissed bit off part of his tongue, police said. ``I guess I bit down too hard,'' the woman told officers, explaining that she has been victimized by men.

I have been quite clear in this blog that, in my judgment, no self-respecting gay person could vote for Bush; . . . I wrote in a fit of hyperbole on March 3 that Kerry "will get every gay vote and every vote from their families and friends."

My only dilemma now is whether to support Kerry or sit this one out. It still is.

Residents of an Austrian village called F*cking, have voted against changing the name.

Spokesman Siegfried Hoeppl, said, "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us F*cking is F*cking - and it`s going to stay F*cking - even though the signs keep getting stolen."

Miss Johnson, take a letter. To whom it make concern: I am so high.

Karah either jumped or fell into the empty, shallow end of the pool, then slid on debris into the water gathered at the deep end. Though Donald couldn't swim, he jumped in after her and was able to push her to a ladder, family members said. But he couldn't save himself, and authorities said he was under water as long as 20 minutes.

He died Monday, Police Chief Tim Baldermann said.

A woman who forever changed the fortunes of a man she didn't know by anonymously donating a kidney has come into a small fortune of her own, winning $500,000 in the Virginia Lottery.

She's also going to pay to fix the broken-down car of the man who no longer needs to be hooked up to a dialysis machine because of her organ donation, Calvin Saunders of Portsmouth.

I, for one, hope we intend to win - whatever it takes - if that includes torturing (not just humiliating the enemy) then I literally thank God we have people like Rumsfeld and Cheney with the balls to get it done.

My only question then is: why won't Rumsfeld and Cheney and Bush come out and defend this policy openly?

Um...forget I said that.

Just because you hide something doesn't mean you're ashamed of it; it means you know that others probably won't understand, and any gains you could enjoy by being more open come at a significant cost that you may be unwilling or unable to pay. In the Administration's case, of course, they're about to pay no matter what. So it is probably in their self-interest to let everybody know exactly what's been going on, and why they feel they have had to do it.

Unfortunately, it's become disturbingly clear that the Bush Administration either has no clue about public image, or just doesn't care, which is just about the same thing. Exhibit A: Insisting that Saddam had WMD, rather than simply saying, "Listen, the guy hates us. He's got a massive army. He's killed millions of his own people. Let's just go the fuck in there and get rid of him, problem solved."

But that's another story for another time.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 3:15 PM |

A South African man told a court how he hacked to death his interior designer because she criticized his decor . . . "We went through the house and I told her what I wanted. She did not make any nice comments about my place so I went to my garage and fetched an axe," the Star newspaper reported him as saying.

Helzer, a former stockbroker who has already pleaded guilty and faces the death penalty, exerted a charismatic hold over an eclectic group of followers including his younger brother, a former girlfriend turned Playboy centrefold model, and a self-described "good witch" who once offered to raise money for Armageddon by appearing in porn films.

We would liberally coat the nozzle, which was the width of a Biro ink tube, with KY jelly, lie back, think of profiteroles with chocolate sauce, and slide on.

I had also plucked up the nerve to put a colander down the toilet. Close examination showed I had passed several feet of long brown string that shimmered as if subtly illuminated by a photographer's light.

How could anyone fully enjoy sex when he has up to 15 years of encrusted fecal matter and mucus in his colon? HE CAN'T - and HE WON'T.

It felt like a beer, wine and whisky hangover. Increasingly strange things appeared in our colanders. Derek was shocked to find rubbery nuggets, Mez had found black oval shapes "up to five inches long", my offering had an almost luminous green tint.

Margaret's chopsticks had unearthed some gristle, about a foot long, and hard, black pellets. She was so impressed she took a photograph. A few chalets away, Mez had passed "rubbery brown, fat worms" with a strange purple glaze, which she insisted on showing to me in her bathroom. But the clear winner was Anthony's 22-year-old marble.

The officer was driving west on Hwy. 70 from the San Jose area when he encountered the vehicle Hill was driving. He said he tried to pass the vehicle, but Hill would not let him.

"Then, when I passed her, then they decided to get right on me, and when I was turning into my office they honked the horn and gave me the one-finger salute," Shupe said.

The officer made contact with Hill after she pulled her vehicle into the parking lot . . . He said he smelled burned marijuana and conducted a search of the vehicle. He reportedly found three ounces of marijuana -- some packaged for sale -- a small quantity of methamphetamine and packing material for the meth and pipes.

The state is posting billboards with messages such as "Isn't she a little young?" as part of a campaign to dissuade men from having sex with underage girls.

I also say that some parts of the bible have no connection to objective history. In short, I own up to the fact that some of the bible is myth. This doesn't bother me in the least since I understand myth to be a wonderful way for the Creator to communicate with a great number of people across a wide spectrum of cultures and over a vast amount of time. Archetype, baby! Remember that word. There are mysterious reasons why these stories mean so much to us.

Scarface doesn't have shit on us. My pal Andrew did a huge line of the creme-filling mix. In all honesty, I think he could've finished all 3 lines without flinching once. Wanting to be a macho-man myself, I began to snort a line of the creme-filling mix as well. Within seconds I felt as though my head was going to explode and then I blacked out for about 5 minutes. When I awoke, my pants were missing and the handle-end of the spatula had somehow made its way into my ass.

It really bugs me when people say "numerous" instead of "many" (e.g., "there are numerous alternatives to . . ."). Just as with "individual" used instead of "person," or "utilize" used instead of "use," "numerous" makes writing clunkier, more bureaucratese, and less accessible.

She asked me how I thought my professional career would have been different had I been born a girl. I said that, given my basic outlook on life, I probably would still be a humor writer. I just wouldn't be as funny.

Some like the DQ chocolate dip't cone, but I preferred the butterscotch -- perhaps because butterscotch is such a peculiar flavor to begin with. C'mon! Who're you kidding? You're caramel! What's this butterscotch business? You on the lam, or something? Or are you too good to be caramel? Look, you sit down here and spell out six differences between you and caramel. "I have a different name" is not a valid reason. "I am distantly related to scotch on my mother's side" is not a valid reason." I am inexplicably ashamed of my caramel nature" is a good reason and a better start. All right? All right, then.

They hadn't showered in about three days. There was no manager, no make-up person, and no costume changes. It was clear that these two entertainers were saying thanks not only by playing for Marines, but by playing for Marines on Marine terms. They were tired, hungry, and dirty. But they were enjoying every minute of it. And so were we.

SMIRKING killer driver William Tait faces just a fine for mowing down a pensioner — but could be jailed for crashing into a TREE.

A MAN man [sic] visiting his son's house opened a fridge door to find not the milk he was seeking - but the dismembered remains of the son's wife.

Contemporary piece of art made out of over 200 cigarettes and over 500 empty cigarettes mounted on a painted wood board with hanger. Plexiglas covers the two-headed chicken attached by four long bolts.

Still, there were a boatload of highlights on the trip, including . . . Sal passing gas in the Sistine Chapel, then going to the gift shop to see if he could find an "I farted in the Sistine Chapel" T-shirt. He's going to hell for doing it, I'm going to hell for writing about it, and you're going to hell for laughing (if you did). At least we'll all be able to hang out.

Max said his dream was to take a porn star to the dance. But it was a dream unfulfilled.

After the dismissal, Williams asked the judge to reconsider, citing new evidence that included a "Blondie" cartoon strip in which Blondie, while talking on a cell phone, caused an accident.

"And he drew a gun and he said stop from right there where the counter is, so I ducked and I went this way I drew my gun and he came out and he was right there with the gun in his hand I shot him in there and we met right here when he came here I shot him like this and he was dead," Ashishi said.

Rule of thumb: if excessive thought and reasoning is required to iron out your family's lineage, y'all are fucked up.
- posted by Brian @ 4:49 AM |