(And no, I'm not dead; I merely have no time to do anything but work, rehearse, and sleep. Brigadoon opens Thursday, get your tix now, you bastards!)
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 9:28 AM |

This morning we both woke late – my wife rolled out early, left us to slumber, and I got up eleven minutes before camp was supposed to start. And we got there on time. Why? Because I lay everything out the night before, and because camp is close, and because I know the twists and turns of the Minnehaha Parkway so well I can do about 45 MPH without flipping the Galileo and flinging it into the creek.

Boar chomps lawyer's pinky, gores housewife's butt

A [Pennsylvania] man who told his doctors that he drinks more than a six-pack of beer per day is now fighting to get his driver's license back because the physicians apparently reported him to the state.

Pennsylvania is one of six states that require doctors to report motorists with medical conditions that could affect their driving, according to the American Association of Motor Vehicle Administrators. The other states are California, Delaware, Oregon, Nevada, and New Jersey.

"Even then he had clearly awesome social skills," [Doonesbury Cartoonist Garry] Trudeau said. "He could also make you feel extremely uncomfortable ... He was extremely skilled at controlling people and outcomes in that way. Little bits of perfectly placed humiliation."

A man doused his girlfriend and three small children with gasoline inside a car and set them on fire early Wednesday as he drove, authorities said. All five died after the car crashed in flames.

Just scroll down a bit, or search for my name.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 4:00 PM |

If you like supporting literature, buy the book here.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 3:35 PM |

“I have to say that Ian [McKellen] is very well endowed.”

Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

It's been a tough day.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 1:18 PM |

MACY GRAY has followed through on her promise to appear naked onstage in LONDON.

"She finished her normal set and everyone was screaming for an encore. The lights went down and when the lights came back on she had her back to the crowd, naked, sat on a chair! It was all very tasteful!"

The idea came after Gray was asked to be a part of an auction of pictures showing celebrities wearing Jimmy Choo shoes.

"The restaurant failed to provide adequate warning," said Hughes. "I thoroughly read all of the warning information for my hamburger, and nowhere did it warn me that a forceful burger eye insertion might be a bad idea."

While the GOP and Bush's re-election machine were hammering Edwards, the president tried to cast himself above the fray, saying he welcomed Edwards to the race. ``I look forward to a good, spirited contest,'' Bush said.

Vote Libertarian in 2004!
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 10:05 AM |

I noticed the following from the above link:

Flames spread instantly along the canvas of the tent, since it had been waterproofed with a mixture of gasoline and paraffin.

Gee. Now that was one hell of an idea. Treat fabric with gas and candle wax.

I understand they want to build a memorial for this. It'll be a fountain, only with gasoline instead of water, surrounded by a lit candle for each victim.
- posted by Brian @ 9:03 AM |

A suspected large-scale polio outbreak was reported Friday among children in a heavily Muslim northern Nigeria state that had boycotted immunization campaigns, and local authorities appealed for urgent action to stop the spread.

- posted by Bacon Dad @ 12:38 PM |

Amazingly, this is the second time Mrs MacKinder had given birth unexpectedly.

She said: "I still had my periods so I didn't know I was pregnant until I felt the pains.

"I had even been for tests at the doctor's the day before for a throat infection and they hadn't found anything unusual.

I'm all about taking a dump in a john that's just been cleaned. You know the only thing that's touched the seat before your ass is a shitload of cleaner and a sponge, or perhaps the hispanic housekeeper's tongue.

The problem is all the cleaner in the water. You have to remember to flush that stuff down, because if you take a crap like I did earlier, one where you achieve perfect splash in such a way that liquid comes straight back up into your winking rectum, THAT GREEN SCRUBBING BUBBLES SHIT BURNS. I swear, I thought I'd stuck a half-chewed habanero up my ass.

On the other hand, if you do remember to flush the cleaner away, you can get a nice little pee-flavored bidet treatment! Good times for both you AND your anus!
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:40 AM |