7:08 -- The big news: There's been a Michael Keaton sighting! He's starring in an upcoming movie called "White Noise." Look out, Tom Hanks -- this rivalry isn't over yet! Do you think Keaton can even make eye contact with Hanks at this point? It must be like one of the guys from "21 Jump Street" running into Johnny Depp.

Steve Crosier, in a brief conversation with reporters outside his house, said: ``All I know is she OD'd and Brandon freaked out.''

A burglary suspect broke into a house, tore open gifts under the Christmas tree and began preparing a batch of methamphetamine before he was caught, investigators said.

Oklahoma Highway Patrol troopers found 610 pounds of marijuana hidden in caskets being hauled in a truck stopped near this eastern Oklahoma town.

Talk about your killer weed.

Leonel Arias, 47, told police he was playing a practical joke by donning the Bin Laden mask, toting his pellet rifle and jumping out to scare drivers on a narrow street in his hometown, Carrizal de Alajuela, about 20 miles north of San Jose.

Arias had startled several drivers that way on Monday afternoon. But when he jumped out in front of taxi driver Juan Pablo Sandoval, the motorist reached for a gun and shot him twice in the stomach. He was hospitalized in stable condition.

On the Jan. 3, 90-minute special, the woman will face eight men — one is her father, and the fakes' goal is to trick her into thinking they are.

If, after three elimination rounds, she picks out her real father, she wins $100,000. If she picks the wrong one, the fake daddy gets the big-bucks prize.

A Marine who was a freshman at Columbine High School when two students killed 13 people there was killed in action in Iraq, his family said.

Doctors in Ohio have removed a 66-pound tumor from a woman who said she now feels as if a long pregnancy is over.

He did not give in to the Gestapo’s torture.

"I told him that he was an S.O.B., and I woke up in a German hospital with the German nurses working on me," Beyrle recounted in an interview in May. "And I knew I wasn't dead, because angels don't speak German."

According to records at the Texas Department of Health, Liset was one of nearly 60 girls in that state who married in 2002 at the tender age of 14--the minimum age in Texas with parental consent. (A handful of other states sanction extremely early marriages with parental consent: In Alabama, South Carolina and Utah, girls can marry at 14; in New Hampshire it's 13; in Massachusetts and Kansas, 12.)

Twelve? Shouldn't these laws be repealed?

A Moses Lake man is home recovering after a 2 1/8-inch nail - misfired from a nail gun - was removed from his chest. "He said, 'Sweet. Can I go snowboarding tomorrow?'" [Dr. Mike] Jemmette reported.

"I really thought I was dying," said Faber . . . "It was like my whole life was crashing before my eyes."

When Marine Lance Cpl. David Battle learned he'd either have to sacrifice his ring finger or the wedding band he wore, he told doctors at a field hospital in Iraq to cut off the finger.

The 19-year-old former high school football star suffered a mangled left hand and serious wounds to his legs in a Nov. 13 fire fight in Fallujah. . . . Doctors were preparing to cut off Battle's ring to save as much of his finger as they could.

"But that would mean destroying my wedding ring,'' he said. . . . With his approval, doctors severed his finger, but somehow in the chaos that followed, they lost his ring.

I love when a coach benches his QB, tries a couple of other guys, realizes they're worse than what he had, then goes back to the original QB with his tail between his legs -- like what happened with Denny Green and Josh McCown this week. See, this is why there could never be an all-female football league.

COACH: "We're making another change -- I'm giving you another chance."

FEMALE QB: "Just like that, I'm supposed to forget what happened?"

COACH: "Come on, I'm sorry I benched you, I made a mistake."

FEMALE QB: "Maybe you should have thought of that before you started those two other sluts!"

A man apparently fell to his death out of the moon roof of his moving Mercedes Benz early Wednesday evening.

Taylor grabbed Hicks' arm to handcuff him and Hicks reportedly cursed at the officer and fought him off.
The deputy drove his Taser into Hicks' left buttocks and stunned him for five seconds, but the man wasn't fazed. He turned and pushed the deputy to the ground.
Hicks then walked towards the deputy and Taylor fired a Taser shot at Hicks, who ripped the probes out. Taylor fired a full can of pepper spray into Hicks' eyes and. Deputy Tippin fired a Taser shot into Hicks' back. Neither affected Hicks and he ripped the wires out from the second Taser shot.
Hicks ran north on Peach Street. Deputies caught up to Hicks and Taylor fired another Taser into Hicks' back.
He kept running.
Deputies fired a third and fourth time, but Hicks ran into Hale Oaks Apartments.
When he reached the apartments, deputies unleashed a K-9 dog on him. The dog bit down on Hicks' right calf, but the dog loosened for half a second and Hicks ran once again.
At the back of the apartments he tried to fight off deputies, but was finally handcuffed.

After Hicks was arrested, he reportedly told authorities he might have smoked the drug PCP beforehand, but was unsure.

"I didn't see a guy on my hood," said the driver, Scott Eisenberg. "If I saw a guy on my hood I would have stopped right there. I simply thought I ran over something."

A naked man was bit in the genitals by a police dog while being arrested for running nude and entering homes in a Minneapolis neighborhood.

While the officer was ordering the suspect out of the house, the suspect began hitting him, police said. The dog, which was still leashed, bit the suspect to protect the officer.

Officer Ron Reier, a department spokesman, said police dogs are trained to bite if their partner is attacked. However, dogs are not trained to bite in the groin area. Reier said the dog likely just jumped and bit the man, who was moving around at the time.

The LAURA stars' controversial promo for their new single FILTHY GORGEOUS, shows band members being spanked, ridden by midgets and playing with sex toys and breasts.

Singer ANA MATRONIC explains, "It's a party in my pants - not everyone’s invited but everyone’s definitely coming."

"We knew some of the stuff was going to be shocking. We wanted it to be honest. The song is about trannie hookers on acid so what the f**k do you want?"

MattHearnCSC: Every so often he calls, but inevitably I'm in the middle of a rehearsal or something.
MiloBloom34: also since when you're at the office, he's probably alspee.
MiloBloom34: alspee? that's a new one.
MiloBloom34: rather, alseep, even.
MiloBloom34: or asleep too.
MiloBloom34: I should stop reading the paper while I type.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 9:54 AM |

An adult who brings a child to a movie with a rating other than G after p.m. would be fined up to $50; the theater would be fined up to $300.

'I think anybody who went to see 'Spiderman' at 9 at night and had a screaming baby next to them can appreciate why this bill should be looked at,' Hawkins said. "

French police on Sunday ended their practice of hiding plastic explosives in air passengers' luggage to train bomb-sniffing dogs after one such bag got lost, possibly ending up on a flight out of Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport.

And no passenger has contacted French authorities to report the surprise discovery of a bag of nearly five ounces of explosives tucked into his or her suitcase.

IESB.net: Is Indy 4 still going to be made?
[Harrison] Ford: "No doubt about it."

Saskatoon police have used the province's anti-prostitution law to seize a brand new ambulance. As a result, an Alberta ambulance company will have to pay towing and impound fees to get it back.

The vehicle was stopped by city police just before 8 p.m. Wednesday. A 58-year-old man was arrested and charged with communicating for the purposes of prostitution.

He is serving a 10- to 30-year sentence in New Hampshire State Prison after pleading guilty to attempting to murder two convicted sex offenders whose names and addresses he found on an Internet registry posted by the state.

"I don't want people to steal the souls of little kids," Trant, 57, said in an interview in prison last week.

The 5-6 Giants are tied with the Rams for the final playoff spot. They have lost four straight games and five of their last six. Their best defensive player is out for the year. Their rookie QB looked so atrocious last week, Babe Laufenberg called to congratulate him. Their second-string QB is Kurt Warner, who fumbled the clipboard 13 times on the sidelines last week. Their third-string QB is Jesse Palmer, who has to leave this Sunday's game early because he's going to Maxim's Christmas party. On the bright side, they hate their coach.

When creationist thinking today is applied to the astrophysical, geophysical, and biological parts of the world, almost all members of the “reality-based community” (as modern American leftists are now fond of calling themselves) reject it as simplistic, baseless, and thoroughly at odds with scientific thought. “Only red-state yokels blinded by religion believe in creationism and reject natural selection!”

But the bluest blue-state left-“liberal” atheist oughtn’t be too quick with the self-congratulatory praise of his or her own rational faculties. Most left-liberals are pure creationists when it comes to society and social order. For them, government is the creator of order – of high wages, of safe working conditions, of safe food and drink, of fair prices, of good education, of trustworthy physicians, accountants, and butchers, of peace, commerce, culture, and civility itself.

Giambi testified that he obtained several different steroids from Barry Bonds' personal trainer, Greg Anderson.

3 U.S. Soldiers Accused of Killing Iraqi

I dunno. All I know is that the bitch's cleavage starts in the usual place but doesn't actually continue downwards from the initial contact at the top of the rack. And I'm confused by it.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 4:13 PM |

Okay, I have SOME words. Mainly: "Fisting?" What in the retardalicious fuck?
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 12:01 PM |

In case you can't figure out what's going on, it's basically a rip-off of the 1961 Rose Bowl Hoax, which in my opinion was the greatest college prank ever devised.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:59 AM |

As the teens were walking into their reading class, words were exchanged, authorities said. According to what the boy told his mother, the 14-year-old was sucker punched by the 17-year-old, a senior. That's when the younger boy pulled out a knife, a weapon his mother said he bought at a flea market a month ago and carried for protection.

The first person to post the solution in the comments has permission to perform The Stranger and pretend it's me.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 11:09 AM |

In a complaint filed Friday in federal court in Philadelphia, Merisant Co. said Splenda's marketing slogan, ``made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar,'' should read something more like, ``made from dextrose, maltodextrin and 4-chloro-4-deoxy-alpha, D-Galactopyranosyl-1,6-dichloro-1,6-dideoxy-beta, D-fructofuranoside.''

Anybody else think Equal might want to spend more time making their product not, um, suck ass? Admittedly, I use it in my tea, but that's because we don't have any packets of Splenda here at work and Sweet-&-Low is about as edible as powdered asshair.
- posted by Bacon Dad @ 10:38 AM |