tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57446082011-07-14T17:28:46.516-04:00Free Range HumanJesus and Darwin got married in a really sweet service officiated by Liberace.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comBlogger12171100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1118159187902055522005-06-07T11:46:00.000-04:002005-06-07T11:46:28.073-04:00Testing my shiznit. Stay cool.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1106677372177779332005-01-25T13:22:00.000-05:002005-01-25T13:40:12.926-05:00BitchesA conversation between my wife and I regarding National Wear Red Day, on February 4th, after our friend Mandy mentioned something it happening on February 5th. (I am dbsweeney1114, which commemorates the immortal D.B. Sweeney of "Cutting Edge" fame.)
dbsweeney1114: What was that shit about red dresses?
SKetHrn: It was about wearing red that day.
SKetHrn: Some awareness thing.
dbsweeney1114: Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1106062109412581582005-01-18T10:28:00.000-05:002005-01-18T10:28:29.413-05:00Or a big Pol Pot maskJames Lileks = awesome:
In case you missed last week's truly big story: Prince Harry, one of those royal things of which the English are so unaccountably indulgent, showed up at a costume party wearing a swastika. Instant scandal! Why? Oh, some might find it a bit declasse for the scion of the British Empire to lounge around dressed like Hitler's driver, but really. Please. Maybe he was dressed Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105627873689223072005-01-13T09:51:00.000-05:002005-01-13T09:51:13.690-05:00Next week: Klan hood party!A man after Jared's heart.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105545134262499832005-01-12T10:52:00.000-05:002005-01-12T10:52:14.263-05:00Retard diesPolitical correctness? Fuck that.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105381466642253922005-01-10T13:24:00.000-05:002005-01-10T13:24:26.643-05:00If all else fails, just make them cut a switch out of the reeds down by the swimmin' holeWaste of money. The back of your hand works just as well.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105321859607767142005-01-09T20:49:00.000-05:002005-01-09T20:50:59.606-05:00Please die painfully IIAll that is wrong with sports.Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105256033214439042005-01-09T02:31:00.000-05:002005-01-09T02:33:53.213-05:00From the "No shit?" departmentAlcohol Increases Co-eds' Risk of Sexual Assault
(That was an actual headline on Yahoo.com, which was removed within minutes because when I went back to copy it, it was gone.)Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105116242988373722005-01-07T11:41:00.000-05:002005-01-07T11:44:02.990-05:00Someone please explain to him...U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan toured tsunami-ravaged areas of the Indonesian island of Sumatra today and said the destruction was the worst he had ever seen."You wonder where are the people? What has happened to them?" Annan said as he toured Aceh province.
Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105030025853656372005-01-06T11:47:00.000-05:002005-01-06T11:47:05.853-05:00Please die painfullyThere aren't enough knives in this guy's chest:
Watching contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what he saw.
In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken said, "To have the individuals on the show eat (yes)Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1105029760574231522005-01-06T11:42:00.000-05:002005-01-06T11:42:40.573-05:00I saw this on Band of BrothersMidwesterners and guns: a bad combination.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104937470879735422005-01-05T10:04:00.000-05:002005-01-05T10:04:30.880-05:00Bury the hatchetSarah's dad is in trouble again:
A Martinsburg man [has been] charged with breaking into a couple's home on New Year's Eve, holding them at gunpoint for more than an hour and making one of them play the piano . . .
[He] accidentally shot himself in the leg, ending the ordeal.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104936770754267122005-01-05T09:52:00.000-05:002005-01-05T09:52:50.753-05:00Get over it bitchesMADD on Modern Drunkard Magazine:
If our role in life is to make a better world, then I cannot figure out how this magazine makes the world a better place to live.
Because it's fricking AWESOME, perhaps?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104933576965752462005-01-05T08:58:00.000-05:002005-01-05T08:59:36.966-05:00What a keeper!Seen on Fark Personals:
haaatt
The five items I can't live without: "Ritilin [sic], diet coke, parliament lights, alcohol, pretzels."
There's one to bring home to mother!Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104932554854244772005-01-05T08:42:00.000-05:002005-01-05T08:47:23.950-05:00Do you think my Loretta Lynn is decent?Achewood:
I have no words.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104793830063145392005-01-03T18:09:00.000-05:002005-01-03T18:10:30.063-05:00Words of WisdomWe're all God's children, after all. Even the shitasses.
--Jeff KayBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00451074551564038868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104634443993687742005-01-01T21:52:00.000-05:002005-01-01T21:54:35.846-05:00Reason number 3,421 why I would do Bill SimmonsAnyway, the question is this: How do you think the "Girl Description of Another Girl" Decoding Scale should work? This is my decoding scheme for what a girl really looks like based on another girl's one-word description:
"Gorgeous" = Beautiful
"Beautiful" = Hot
"Hot" = Cute
"Pretty" = Alright
"Nice Face" = Bad Body
"Cute" = Brutal
"Alright" = Train Wreck
"Good Personality" = Morbidly Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104348825757924952004-12-29T14:33:00.000-05:002004-12-29T14:33:45.756-05:00Caption, pleaseBrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00451074551564038868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1104326034566800022004-12-29T08:12:00.000-05:002004-12-29T08:13:54.566-05:00Woof"The guy said he was standing there, looked up, and saw his dog driving his truck through the building," Turnbough said.
Full story.Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103651078001698802004-12-21T12:44:00.000-05:002004-12-21T12:44:38.000-05:00Michelle Tafoya: hot or not?Bill Simmons handles play by play for the Pats game:
7:08 -- The big news: There's been a Michael Keaton sighting! He's starring in an upcoming movie called "White Noise." Look out, Tom Hanks -- this rivalry isn't over yet! Do you think Keaton can even make eye contact with Hanks at this point? It must be like one of the guys from "21 Jump Street" running into Johnny Depp.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103647740076479812004-12-21T11:49:00.000-05:002004-12-21T11:49:00.076-05:00Rich Idiot UpdateJack Whittaker's trials and tribulations continue.
Steve Crosier, in a brief conversation with reporters outside his house, said: ``All I know is she OD'd and Brandon freaked out.''
Understandably so.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103563714982471322004-12-20T12:28:00.000-05:002004-12-20T12:28:34.983-05:00Don't steal my stuffWho's the big winner? This guy.
A burglary suspect broke into a house, tore open gifts under the Christmas tree and began preparing a batch of methamphetamine before he was caught, investigators said.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103559619444795612004-12-20T11:20:00.000-05:002004-12-20T11:20:19.443-05:00I'm willing to try Haggis, although I might have to draw the line at Guinea PigI've eaten at least 37 out of 50. I've probably eaten some of the others as well, I'm just not sure, mainly because I can't remember what Paella actually is.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103555881720063902004-12-20T10:18:00.000-05:002004-12-20T10:18:01.720-05:00Hell of such as meowTasty Achewood. Mmmm...rhino crap.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103313039109434582004-12-17T14:50:00.000-05:002004-12-17T14:50:39.110-05:00Holy assraping shitWhat. The. Fuck.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103294164311341052004-12-17T09:36:00.000-05:002004-12-17T09:36:04.310-05:00Tin RoofSadly, the Love Shack is no more. The good news is, the B52s are aging disturbingly well. I'd do the redhead, at least. But who's the dork that looks younger than I? I have a sneaking suspicion he was not intimately involved in the 1979 "Rock Lobster" album.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103293983198809162004-12-17T09:33:00.000-05:002004-12-17T09:33:03.196-05:00Why regular reporters should not attempt to be funnyTalk about your kneeslappers:
Oklahoma Highway Patrol troopers found 610 pounds of marijuana hidden in caskets being hauled in a truck stopped near this eastern Oklahoma town.
Amusing enough, but then:
Talk about your killer weed.
HAR!Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103124638361864352004-12-15T10:30:00.000-05:002004-12-15T10:30:38.360-05:00Taking the bush man to the next levelSo it turns out there are morons in other countries as well:
Leonel Arias, 47, told police he was playing a practical joke by donning the Bin Laden mask, toting his pellet rifle and jumping out to scare drivers on a narrow street in his hometown, Carrizal de Alajuela, about 20 miles north of San Jose.
Arias had startled several drivers that way on Monday afternoon. But when he jumped out in Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103124513753247282004-12-15T10:28:00.000-05:002004-12-15T10:28:33.753-05:00Hoosier daddyI love FOX:
On the Jan. 3, 90-minute special, the woman will face eight men — one is her father, and the fakes' goal is to trick her into thinking they are.
If, after three elimination rounds, she picks out her real father, she wins $100,000. If she picks the wrong one, the fake daddy gets the big-bucks prize.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103124384299095362004-12-15T10:26:00.000-05:002004-12-15T10:26:24.300-05:00SappyToday's sad story:
A Marine who was a freshman at Columbine High School when two students killed 13 people there was killed in action in Iraq, his family said.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103124291048510922004-12-15T10:24:00.000-05:002004-12-15T10:24:51.046-05:00The only thing jumping down his throat is . . . um, nevermindThis is so retarded, I can't imagine how PETA's not involved.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103049147858515342004-12-14T13:32:00.000-05:002004-12-14T13:32:27.860-05:00It was then fried and given to the dogHoly crap!
Doctors in Ohio have removed a 66-pound tumor from a woman who said she now feels as if a long pregnancy is over.
Ow.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1103049003931312702004-12-14T13:30:00.000-05:002004-12-14T13:30:03.930-05:00A hard, pipe-hittin' niggaBaddest-ass mofo on earth dies at age 81.
He did not give in to the Gestapo’s torture.
"I told him that he was an S.O.B., and I woke up in a German hospital with the German nurses working on me," Beyrle recounted in an interview in May. "And I knew I wasn't dead, because angels don't speak German."
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102964652915588342004-12-13T14:04:00.000-05:002004-12-13T14:04:12.916-05:00Daily DrivelI didn't think I'd live long enough to call Andrew Sullivan a hypocrite, but what can I say?
According to records at the Texas Department of Health, Liset was one of nearly 60 girls in that state who married in 2002 at the tender age of 14--the minimum age in Texas with parental consent. (A handful of other states sanction extremely early marriages with parental consent: In Alabama, South Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102960730790160332004-12-13T12:58:00.000-05:002004-12-13T12:58:50.790-05:00Also, will I be able to play the violin?Holy cow, this guy is dumb.
A Moses Lake man is home recovering after a 2 1/8-inch nail - misfired from a nail gun - was removed from his chest.
"He said, 'Sweet. Can I go snowboarding tomorrow?'" [Dr. Mike] Jemmette reported.
Also:
"I really thought I was dying," said Faber . . . "It was like my whole life was crashing before my eyes."
Uh . . . amoronsayswhat?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102960324168691522004-12-13T12:52:00.000-05:002004-12-13T12:52:04.166-05:00His heart's as big as his oversized tongueRetards, Christmas, and Burger King.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102954553759067472004-12-13T11:15:00.000-05:002004-12-13T11:15:53.760-05:00OwSappy story of the day:
When Marine Lance Cpl. David Battle learned he'd either have to sacrifice his ring finger or the wedding band he wore, he told doctors at a field hospital in Iraq to cut off the finger.
The 19-year-old former high school football star suffered a mangled left hand and serious wounds to his legs in a Nov. 13 fire fight in Fallujah. . . . Doctors were preparing to cut offBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102718184799690782004-12-10T17:36:00.000-05:002004-12-10T17:36:24.800-05:00The lesson as always: women are crazyBill Simmons' weekly gambling column.
I love when a coach benches his QB, tries a couple of other guys, realizes they're worse than what he had, then goes back to the original QB with his tail between his legs -- like what happened with Denny Green and Josh McCown this week. See, this is why there could never be an all-female football league.
COACH: "We're making another change -- I'm giving Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102684470497821702004-12-10T08:14:00.000-05:002004-12-10T08:14:30.496-05:00Perhaps she was a figment of Adam Wests's imaginationEveryone's favorite lottery winner is at it again. Does this strike anyone else as a continuation of what is possibly the most hilarious story since Thomas Jefferson got naked with Whoopie Goldberg?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102614979288533202004-12-09T12:56:00.000-05:002004-12-09T12:56:19.286-05:00Next week: douchebags!Lileks on tampons. I don't know what to say.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102607998199872552004-12-09T10:59:00.000-05:002004-12-09T10:59:58.200-05:00Perhaps he thought he was Tom Hanks in Big (remember? The part in the limo Oh, nevermind)WTF?
A man apparently fell to his death out of the moon roof of his moving Mercedes Benz early Wednesday evening.
I'm not sure I want to consider how that's even possible.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102607194749220322004-12-09T10:46:00.000-05:002004-12-09T12:34:03.503-05:00That's one Rasputin-like mofoWhoa:
Taylor grabbed Hicks' arm to handcuff him and Hicks reportedly cursed at the officer and fought him off.
The deputy drove his Taser into Hicks' left buttocks and stunned him for five seconds, but the man wasn't fazed. He turned and pushed the deputy to the ground.
Hicks then walked towards the deputy and Taylor fired a Taser shot at Hicks, who ripped the probes out. Taylor fired a fullBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102605866999066462004-12-09T10:24:00.000-05:002004-12-09T10:24:27.000-05:00If you can read this, you're following too close and have run me overDumbass
"I didn't see a guy on my hood," said the driver, Scott Eisenberg. "If I saw a guy on my hood I would have stopped right there. I simply thought I ran over something."
Hardly surprisingly, Eisenberg lacks insurance.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102605443405647072004-12-09T10:17:00.000-05:002004-12-09T10:17:23.406-05:00The one dude has nice tittiesKyle, Milo, and Rick practice their new hobby.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102605381876993022004-12-09T10:16:00.000-05:002004-12-09T12:23:41.576-05:00OW with OW but OW and FUCKING OWI wonder if it hurts more when you're naked? Probably a lot more risk of laceration.
A naked man was bit in the genitals by a police dog while being arrested for running nude and entering homes in a Minneapolis neighborhood.
While the officer was ordering the suspect out of the house, the suspect began hitting him, police said. The dog, which was still leashed, bit the suspect to protect Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102605135570331632004-12-09T10:12:00.000-05:002004-12-09T10:12:15.570-05:00It would only be shocking if it had midgets. Oh wait, it doesI don't know who the Scissor Sisters are, but I have a lot of respect for their style of music video:
The LAURA stars' controversial promo for their new single FILTHY GORGEOUS, shows band members being spanked, ridden by midgets and playing with sex toys and breasts.
Uh . . . whoa.
Singer ANA MATRONIC explains, "It's a party in my pants - not everyone’s invited but everyone’s definitely Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102517648485863802004-12-08T09:54:00.000-05:002004-12-08T09:54:08.486-05:00peeslaMe and Milo on why I rarely get a chance to talk to Stefan, who at the moment lives in Korea:
MattHearnCSC: Every so often he calls, but inevitably I'm in the middle of a rehearsal or something.
MiloBloom34: also since when you're at the office, he's probably alspee.
MiloBloom34: alspee? that's a new one.
MiloBloom34: rather, alseep, even.
MiloBloom34: or asleep too.
MiloBloom34: I Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102515184141667682004-12-08T09:13:00.000-05:002004-12-08T09:13:04.140-05:00I'm a dumbass, againYesterday was the 63rd anniversary of the Pearl Harbor attack, which of course I completely forgot about, so I'm going to try and redeem myself by posting these stories of Pearl Harbor survivors.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102515075526718712004-12-08T09:11:00.000-05:002004-12-08T09:11:15.526-05:00Also, the price of Mallomars will be halvedFinally, legislation that MAKES SENSE:
An adult who brings a child to a movie with a rating other than G after p.m. would be fined up to $50; the theater would be fined up to $300.
'I think anybody who went to see 'Spiderman' at 9 at night and had a screaming baby next to them can appreciate why this bill should be looked at,' Hawkins said. "
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102428580521555742004-12-07T09:09:00.000-05:002004-12-07T09:09:40.520-05:00The New PainOW OW OW OW OW OW OW.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102358311007319742004-12-06T13:38:00.000-05:002004-12-06T13:38:31.006-05:00How'd the dogs miss it?Too funny for fiction:
French police on Sunday ended their practice of hiding plastic explosives in air passengers' luggage to train bomb-sniffing dogs after one such bag got lost, possibly ending up on a flight out of Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport.
Wait. There's more:
And no passenger has contacted French authorities to report the surprise discovery of a bag of nearly five ounces ofBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102344706001707172004-12-06T09:51:00.000-05:002004-12-06T09:51:46.000-05:00Additionally, Natalie Portman gets naked in her new movie "Closer"AW. SNAP.
IESB.net: Is Indy 4 still going to be made?
[Harrison] Ford: "No doubt about it."
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102344528971355322004-12-06T09:48:00.000-05:002004-12-06T09:48:48.970-05:00It's how I got 150 health pointsI think I did this in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
Saskatoon police have used the province's anti-prostitution law to seize a brand new ambulance. As a result, an Alberta ambulance company will have to pay towing and impound fees to get it back.
The vehicle was stopped by city police just before 8 p.m. Wednesday. A 58-year-old man was arrested and charged with communicating for the purposes Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102344079666831042004-12-06T09:41:00.000-05:002004-12-06T09:41:19.666-05:00Boiling outrage against pedophilesRick's dad finally found a hobby:
He is serving a 10- to 30-year sentence in New Hampshire State Prison after pleading guilty to attempting to murder two convicted sex offenders whose names and addresses he found on an Internet registry posted by the state.
"I don't want people to steal the souls of little kids," Trant, 57, said in an interview in prison last week.
[Holler: Fark.]Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102343376182025392004-12-06T09:29:00.000-05:002004-12-06T09:29:36.183-05:00Living in Trailer With Grandmother = No GirlfriendTruth, Tron, Lenny Kravitz, and CUHRAZY Jack Tripper over at Achewood.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102098994003869002004-12-03T13:36:00.000-05:002004-12-03T13:36:34.003-05:00Trade for TestaverdeBill Simmons on why the Giants suck in this week's picks column:
The 5-6 Giants are tied with the Rams for the final playoff spot. They have lost four straight games and five of their last six. Their best defensive player is out for the year. Their rookie QB looked so atrocious last week, Babe Laufenberg called to congratulate him. Their second-string QB is Kurt Warner, who fumbled the clipboardBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102084253673778922004-12-03T09:30:00.000-05:002004-12-03T09:30:53.673-05:00The Man created your nutsacCafe Hayek on "Political Creationism" (not to be confused with the religious type):
When creationist thinking today is applied to the astrophysical, geophysical, and biological parts of the world, almost all members of the “reality-based community” (as modern American leftists are now fond of calling themselves) reject it as simplistic, baseless, and thoroughly at odds with scientific thought.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102083702119246622004-12-03T09:21:00.000-05:002004-12-03T09:21:42.120-05:00You'll never know anything so beautifulAchewood, on the 9th anniversary of the first time HW and I went on a date, describes oral action as a beautiful thing. And I would have to agree.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102009971967232682004-12-02T12:52:00.000-05:002004-12-02T12:52:51.966-05:00Artistic AutismFine Christmas poetry at matthearn.com.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102002647091510222004-12-02T10:50:00.000-05:002004-12-02T10:50:47.090-05:00Or perhaps to buy a gunOr: a Ninja.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102001625893134532004-12-02T10:33:00.000-05:002004-12-02T10:33:45.893-05:00"I developed acne on my yambag and hair on my tongue"Hardly surprising, but still: WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA.
Giambi testified that he obtained several different steroids from Barry Bonds' personal trainer, Greg Anderson.
Between that and Barry's huge head, how can anyone still honestly believe that Bonds isn't juiced up?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1102001300074105402004-12-02T10:28:00.000-05:002004-12-02T10:28:20.076-05:00Headlines 101This article isn't really interesting for its content (soldiers kill Iraqi general with electrical cord, blah blah big deal), but I was a bit amused by the headline:
3 U.S. Soldiers Accused of Killing Iraqi
Um . . . haven't we been doing that for, oh, 21 months now?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101935583658761742004-12-01T16:13:00.000-05:002004-12-01T16:13:03.656-05:00I don't get itMy Neighbor's Wife has me confused. Is she a slut, that died, but she bought a bunch of stuff, and now her husband jerks off all the time by fucking a hole he made in his mattress?
I dunno. All I know is that the bitch's cleavage starts in the usual place but doesn't actually continue downwards from the initial contact at the top of the rack. And I'm confused by it.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101920476239719742004-12-01T12:01:00.000-05:002004-12-01T12:01:16.240-05:00He's going to fight! Daniel LaRusso is going to fight!I have no words.
Okay, I have SOME words. Mainly: "Fisting?" What in the retardalicious fuck?Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101920373789136962004-12-01T11:59:00.000-05:002004-12-01T11:59:33.790-05:00WE SUCKJust in case there's a person left in America that was unaware of this, I figured I'd link to it.
In case you can't figure out what's going on, it's basically a rip-off of the 1961 Rose Bowl Hoax, which in my opinion was the greatest college prank ever devised.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101920006369140682004-12-01T11:53:00.000-05:002004-12-01T11:53:26.370-05:00If You Tell Anyone, That That Bush Is There, I Will Come To Your House, And I Will Cut You DepartmentIf this kid ends up getting charge with something, I'm going to be really fucking pissed.
As the teens were walking into their reading class, words were exchanged, authorities said. According to what the boy told his mother, the 14-year-old was sucker punched by the 17-year-old, a senior. That's when the younger boy pulled out a knife, a weapon his mother said he bought at a flea market a Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101917345384377402004-12-01T11:09:00.000-05:002004-12-01T11:09:05.383-05:00Happy Holidays for non-dummiesOkay, I'll admit, this took me a minute to figure out.
The first person to post the solution in the comments has permission to perform The Stranger and pretend it's me.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101916798790996612004-12-01T10:59:00.000-05:002004-12-01T10:59:58.790-05:00MAJOR SUPER IMPORTANT NEWS ALERT OMG WTFNatalie Portman appears nude in her new movie, "Closer." I can't imagine a more important piece of news, and yet somehow the New York Times makes no mention of it. What the anal hell, I ask you.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1101915977974379702004-12-01T10:38:00.000-05:002004-12-01T10:46:17.973-05:00Nothing better to do, I guess?Equal is suing Splenda for false advertising.
In a complaint filed Friday in federal court in Philadelphia, Merisant Co. said Splenda's marketing slogan, ``made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar,'' should read something more like, ``made from dextrose, maltodextrin and 4-chloro-4-deoxy-alpha, D-Galactopyranosyl-1,6-dichloro-1,6-dideoxy-beta, D-fructofuranoside.''
Mmmmm . . . r-chloro-4-Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1100638789004286992004-11-16T15:57:00.000-05:002004-11-16T15:59:49.006-05:00I'm HungryEnough to feed Australia for 3 months.
By the way...does anyone still read this? I thought it was just me.
Kylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792786923454402328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1098912720180872842004-10-27T17:30:00.000-04:002004-10-27T17:35:51.446-04:00Hey, the man is deadThere's no need to mock him with the opening line of your story.
Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1098293953562697092004-10-20T13:38:00.000-04:002004-10-20T13:39:13.563-04:00Shit. Fuck All.Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00451074551564038868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1098105070071197082004-10-18T09:11:00.000-04:002004-10-18T09:11:10.070-04:00Pay $100 to bribe his "roommate" to move to Branson without telling anyoneI love Ray Smuckles:
Damn, I forgot to tell everybody about what I did for Friday night's party! Sorry, all. I was bidding on these old board games on eBay right up until it started. (I got an original 70s Mousetrap, the old quality piece construction, before they replaced all the plastic and metal parts with cardboard, and also an old version of Monopoly from 1935 where the "Chance" cards sayBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096996500729280172004-10-05T13:15:00.000-04:002004-10-05T13:15:00.730-04:00Read and comment and loveJeff Soyer: hell of cool.
Let's just pretend now that the city council of DC had decided years ago that black people shouldn't be allowed to vote. Yes, the 15th Amendment guarantees the right of black people to vote (further enforced by the 24th Amendment) but the DC council has decided that they shouldn't be allowed to. Home Rule, Andrew. Sounds ridiculous, huh? Yet that is what the District ofBacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096823306745793892004-10-03T13:08:00.000-04:002004-10-03T13:10:03.140-04:00HiI thought I'd poke my head above water. A lack of high speed internet at home and a lack of time at WDEL have left me with little to post here recently. But I wanted to at least make an appearance, so I thought I'd post this out of Sports Illustrated's 50th Anniversary issue, which should indicate why when everytime I see a piece written by Jeff MacGregor, I just sit back, hold on, and read.
Brianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00451074551564038868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096659661069530122004-10-01T15:38:00.000-04:002004-10-01T15:41:01.070-04:00ClassyWould you expect anything less from the University of Colorado?
DENVER -- Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly has been yanked from a list of famous University of Colorado graduates after making stinging public comments about the school's recruiting scandal.
If I'm Reilly, good riddance.
Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096656799792617592004-10-01T14:51:00.000-04:002004-10-01T14:55:44.520-04:00Classic SimmonsI love it when people make fun of -- perfectly -- television hairsprays. Especially when they work for the same company:
Maguire: "I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now ... you want to talk about a guy whose gambling has suffered this season? You want to talk about a guy whose life is in shambles right now?"
Theismann: "We had dinner with Sal on Friday night ... you just could not help Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096558006236930722004-09-30T11:26:00.000-04:002004-09-30T11:26:46.236-04:00Just checking the pop-up blocker's consistencyTop 11 reasons you caught me looking at pr0n.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096473920677016612004-09-29T13:05:00.000-04:002004-09-29T12:07:13.316-04:00Also, a track suit and a clock
There are other ways to protest injustice besides wearing a gold lame outfit featuring a giant phallic symbol -- but they're not as much fun.
So true.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096473771916951242004-09-29T12:02:00.000-04:002004-09-29T12:02:51.916-04:00And...suck itHardly surprising:
"You'd be amazed at the number of ordinary men who are married to famous porn stars and don't even know it," states A. J. Podaski, a California based writer who covers the adult-film industry.
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096473474966066782004-09-29T11:57:00.000-04:002004-09-29T12:06:00.523-04:00Father, I'll cut you!Yay religion:
Greek Orthodox and Franciscan priests got into a fist fight yesterday at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Christianity's holiest shrine, in an argument over whether a door in the basilica should be closed during a procession.
Club-wielding Israeli riot police broke up the fight, witnesses said.
The Israeli riot police know how to handle they BUSINESS.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096467007021196652004-09-29T10:09:00.000-04:002004-09-29T10:14:43.023-04:00Pass it onFrom ESPN's John Buccigross:
hey rick
first hockey column in october..spread the word
John
Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096055967442436652004-09-24T15:56:00.000-04:002004-09-24T15:59:27.443-04:00Albom hits his own aceWith this column on the Ryder Cup.Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1096030914283153522004-09-24T09:01:00.000-04:002004-09-24T09:01:54.283-04:00Hasselbeck sperm seems to be particularly powerful.Milo's dreams are completely crushed. I haven't talked to him recently, but I'm pretty sure he's semi-suicidal.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095862482467281462004-09-22T10:14:00.000-04:002004-09-22T10:14:42.466-04:00In which Matt gets another good reviewWe are rad.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095859893770776712004-09-22T09:31:00.000-04:002004-09-22T09:31:33.770-04:00You just don't listen, do ya boy.Kyle's dad is out of control again.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095691923485177102004-09-20T10:46:00.000-04:002004-09-20T10:54:56.256-04:00AAAAAAAAAAAAAACan't Bush and Kerry agree on ANYTHING?
Kerry's camp says there's a tentative agreement to hold three debates within two weeks starting Sept. 30. The Bush camp denies it. Money quote:
"No deal has been reached. Reports of a tentative agreement -- I don't even know what that means -- are false," said Nicolle Devenish, communications director for the Bush campaign, said late Sunday.
Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095688670005908502004-09-20T09:56:00.000-04:002004-09-20T09:57:50.006-04:00Mmmmm....cakeNo Kitty, that's MY cake!
Kylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792786923454402328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095565501273750792004-09-18T23:45:00.000-04:002004-09-18T23:45:01.273-04:00Change of shorts, bitteSimmons makes his picks for week 2:
By the way, if you play QB for San Fran, does that automatically increase your chances of getting a concussion by 700 percent? What would happen if Eric Lindros took a few snaps for them? Would his head explode like the guy from "Scanners?"
Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095506385839157752004-09-18T07:18:00.000-04:002004-09-18T07:23:21.076-04:00"Here, boy! That's right, come he--"More amusing aftershocks from Ivan:
Chucky still missing
In Gulf Shores, the Alabama Gulf Shores Zoo was littered with wood and other debris. Most animals were evacuated before the storm, but authorities were looking for 12 deer and six alligators that hadn't been evacuated and have been seen wading -- or swimming -- around the flooded island.
Among them is Chucky, a 1,000-pound, 12-Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095499036066551192004-09-18T05:15:00.000-04:002004-09-18T05:18:56.636-04:00The AP is funny sometimesLike when it writes stuff like this:
BLOOMFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. -- Hal Sutton wanted his best two players to set the tone for the Ryder Cup. Did they ever.
Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson got hammered in the morning and blew it in the afternoon, and the rest of the Americans followed suit Friday as Europe matched the largest first-day lead in Ryder Cup history.
Speaking from personal Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1095130307046821502004-09-13T22:50:00.000-04:002004-09-13T22:54:30.120-04:00What in the hell is going on?Milo is never online anymore. Hearn barely responds when IMd. Neither one of them are posting anything on here.
You can't tell me they've found more interesting things to do...Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094826401979707112004-09-10T10:24:00.000-04:002004-09-10T10:26:41.980-04:00Pictures from the Richmond floodNeedless to say, we're all excited about the possibility of more rain as Ivan approaches the US.
Kylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792786923454402328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094824383213724692004-09-10T09:53:00.000-04:002004-09-10T09:53:03.213-04:00Avoid the hot lunchAchewood gives everybody a Cleveland Steamer.Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094662220149463242004-09-08T12:50:00.000-04:002004-09-08T12:50:20.150-04:00Fuck him in the ear!Bill Simmons, making me change my shorts yet again:
At gunpoint, I think my favorite [Goodfellas gangster name] was Frankie the Wop, since "Wop" is an old-school nickname for Italians -- not quite derogatory at the time, but not complimentary, either. And yet, everyone in Paulie's extended gang was Italian or at least half-Italian. So for someone to be nicknamed "The Wop," I mean, you had to Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094564952677676132004-09-07T09:49:00.000-04:002004-09-07T09:49:12.676-04:00Uh...okayYes, Delawareans are fucked up/a>.
Summer, you just weren't yourself this year.
When you dawned over Delaware on May 29, there was so much hope. For warmth. For kindness. For happiness. Where was that sunny personality we had so longed for?
Dozens of saddened summer-lovers shuffled along the boardwalk behind your coffin, creeping ever so slowly toward the bandstand and your final resting Bacon Dadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094564479334712372004-09-07T09:33:00.000-04:002004-09-07T09:44:49.013-04:00Hope is on the way!So says John Edwards, who spoke at a rally here in Kalamazoo last night. I attended and, like the rest of the 6,000 people who crammed into Bronson Park, was drenched by rain. Still, it was neat to see all of the Secret Service dudes and their earpieces walking around looking all important. At one point, I think I even saw one of them blink, although this can't be confirmed.
Regardless of Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094315979168993962004-09-04T13:32:00.000-04:002004-09-04T12:39:39.166-04:00You know the economy is in the shitter when...The Wrigley Company, which has been around since 1893 and has so much money that it wastes millions annually on an average baseball team, raises the price on its trademark gum from 25 cents to 30.
Also...
When USA Today, with a daily readership of 5.4 million people, decides, this coming Tuesday, to raise its daily price from 50 cents to 75.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? Rickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12230178644752274248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094262389105079852004-09-03T21:44:00.000-04:002004-09-03T21:46:29.106-04:00Conspiracy Theory?This was being sent around a lot today....
Very well done, fairly interesting...not sure what the conspiracy is, though...
Kylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792786923454402328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5744608.post-1094262203987758442004-09-03T21:41:00.000-04:002004-09-03T21:43:23.986-04:00It's just so good when it hits your lipsBeer review - let someone else tell you whether these beers are worth trying.
Kylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792786923454402328noreply@blogger.com